Today, ladies and gentleman, I am faced with the impossible. I have taken the improbable and attempted to mold it into the usable; I have undertaken a quest of such enormity that it cannot possibly be heralded by any but the bravest, the strongest, the cleverest, and those with a lot of time on their hands.

Yeah, I need a haircut. And that means choosing a hairstyle, because my current one makes me look like a mixture of Donald Duck and that griping green guy on Sesame Street. (Notice the alliteration.) I use Google, so naturally I’ve been meandering through pictures of ladies who forgot half of their clothes and haircuts that only look good on scary-skinny models.

Sheesh, people, why can’t you just have a cute, simple little cut? If Google Search gives me another picture of a girl with hair longer than my arm (in a search for “short haircuts”) . . . *sigh*

Wish me luck,

Donald Duck / Oscar the Grouch